2013 is a wrap!

I have a tendency to get caught up in the here and now, in the tomorrow that I forget to stop and take a look back (I promise, it's not gonna get all emotional up in here...)

2013 seems to have gone by with such a quickness, somewhat of a blur...I feel like I blinked and it was gone! The reality is, a lot has happened over the last year and when I stop to look back at how far I've come, it truly amazes me. While my posts are usually training/competition/diet focused, it's all just a piece of the puzzle in my life that shapes who I am. This was a year full of  growth....physically (duh!) but more importantly, mentally and emotionally.

When I look back to the person I was and what my life was like just this time last year, I seems as if I'm light years from that girl. I had many moments of frustration, of doubt throughout the year, moments where I felt like just throwing my hands up and saying "fuck this shit"...and truth be told, I did....a few times lol but as I always do, I got my shit together and just kept moving forward, because really there is no other option.

Life is  roller coaster, there will ALWAYS be ups and downs, 2013 was no different but who I am and how I deal with things are very different. I can honestly say, the highs were hella amazing and far out weighed the low points. I learned a lot about myself, about other people and made some incredible memories along the way...good or bad, it's an experience and at the end of the day, I'm a better person for it..

Ok, enough of me getting all philosophical on ya...
2013 is in the books and it's time to turn the page. Thank you to everyone who's followed along my crazy train over the last year...it never ceases to amaze me that people actually read my ramblings. I appreciate all of the support, messages, comments etc...you bitches betta get ready cause 2014 is going to be a fuckin blast!

Mark yo calendars!

.....And there you have it!

Yes boys and girls after much "coulda, woulda, shoulda"...I'm finally going to be getting my ass out of the gym and onto a platform! One of the things I cannot stand is those people who are the "someday, I'm gonna...eventually" type people, so enough of that shit from me...Someday is here and I WILL do it!

Truth be told, this is a long time coming as it's something I've wanted to do for some time now. Finally committing to it, putting it out there has me beyond excited and scared as fuck lol Scared of what? Failure..bombing..I hold myself to high standards, I expect much from myself so I have a tendency to put immense pressure on my shoulders, but I'm taking a different approach with this as it really is about having fun and checking shit off my bucket list.

As far as my training is concerned, as everyone knows, I always train for power so while I'm not specifically training to hit certain numbers come meet day, I am running a new strength program to get past some plateaus and nail some PR's while always working on my technique. With concern to the numbers game..Yes, of course I have numbers in my head I'd like to hit but the this is so much more than that, no matter what, just finally get up there will be a victory for me....in the gym, my maxes are a 325lb pull and a 185lb bench (which I've only hit once), a 275lb squat and a 135lb military press which obviously aren't relevant for this meet but I'll still be working on those lifts as well. Not necessarily meet related but my personal goals are a 405 pull, 300 squat and 225 bench and to rep out 135 on my presses.

On a slightly random and unrelated note, this weekend I made the trek up to Diamond Gym for RXMuscle's Bros vs. Pros. I had NO intention of actually competing, I was just going for fun and to see some friends but at the last minute, after being strong armed lol into it, I did enter the dead lift portion. Having just pulled heavy the day before and not having my chucks or belt with me, I was definitely out of my element and unprepared to say the least but it was a fuckin blast. I never pull for any sort of high reps so I was gassed...165x32 (I think lol), I probably had more in me, but eh..it is what it is. Thanks to Amanda and Colette for talking me into it and John for being a logical voice of reason. Just jumping in was a hell of a time with my girls, no doubt, it's something I will do again...but I'll be prepared next time :)



Random tidbit for ya:

I officially weighed in at the highest number I've seen on a scale...Just under 5'4" and 165lbs. Dear sweet baby jeezus, let that be muscle! *I was wearing sneakers, drinking a RockStar and I have a lot of hair lol...that's my story and Imma stick to it! I suddenly have the urge to diet and do cardio. {{is it time to prep yet???}}

She's baaaaaack!

I have received numerous messages over the last few months asking if I'm going to be blogging, when I'm going to update etc...I guess I figure the off season is less eventful than contest prep so there wouldn't be much worth talking about and to be honest, I forget that people even read this shit lol Even though, I have been posting/logging my training in my RXMuscle journal, I decided "What the hell" and get back to blogging...

Time to play catch up!

I hadn't realized it was so long since I last blogged..My last post was basically a wrap up of my Team U experience and where I was going from there. Since then I have been training my balls off (ya know, if I had balls lol) and I am absolutely thrilled with my off season thus far. I am not currently working with a coach, doing my own diet and training with some help from John Meadow's who has helped me put together a sick training cocktail of Wendler's 5/3/1 and his Mountain Dog program...cause really, why run one program when you can run 2! The progress I've made has been incredible...I'm hitting PR's on all my lifts any bringing up my physique.

Anyone who knows me, can attest to my strength obsession..I'm ALWAYS chasing a bigger number :) My progression this off season has been pretty incredible but most importantly, it's been consistent. While plateaus are inevitable, I'm confident that I can power my way through them. I'm putting up solid numbers in the gym and this off season, I want to finally get my ass on a platform. It was a goal of mine last year, but unfortunately life happens and knocked me off my game and onto my ass. Currently, my head, heart and body are on the same track and  we know when that happens, there is NO slowing my ass down.  

When it comes to actually training, I'm on my own..on the rare occasion I'll have a partner on leg day and there is always someone at my gym who can spot or lift off for me but overall it's just me and the weights...Being the loner I am, I don't mind that, but trying to get past sticking points or getting my form critiqued is tough...Cause let's be real, 99.9% of people don't hit depth on their squats..Mmmmkay lol With that said, I am getting help/advice and support from those with the knowledge and experience to help me crush some goals. I'm getting help with programming (a huge area I suck in) and most importantly, technique..I can muscle some mutherfuckin weight, but ummm...that's not always the best approach so that's a little something I need to work on as well. Of course, everyone is going to ask what numbers I want to hit and yes, I do have number goals, but I'm putting them on the back burner for the time being otherwise my head will be CONSUMED with chasing them.

As for the love of all things vanity driven...I look at hot mess fuckin mess! Ok, I'm totally being dramatic..I'm not a hot mess. I have avoided the scale basically since I stepped off stage, but recently I felt the need to hop on it and I'm sitting at about 156lbs. (@5'3.75") which is surprisingly DOWN from the 160 I was a few weeks ago. Body composition wise, I do wish I were a bit tighter as I'm carrying more bodyfat than I would like, but at the same time I am carrying the weight MUCH better than I have before..I'm big and full but not sloppy so that's a win. Now, of course I can't really complain about my body comp when my diet has been...err, ummm...less than stellar lol The truth is, I don't feel like dieting..Sure I have macros I aim for but Imma be real and say 5 out of 7 days, I eat WAY more..fuck it, if I'm hungry, Imma eat and I'm not going to die if I eat some ice cream...Ok, a pint every night is NOT productive, but every now and then wont kill me. It's called "balance and moderation"...Which, I am ALWAYS working on :)

I suppose that about sums me up for now, if you've survived my rambling without falling asleep...I'll leave you with this little gem which has been a pre training staple lately:

What's next?

.....The most common question people ask post competition.

After my show, I gave myself a mental and physical break. It was well needed and very much overdue. I took the entire week post show off from the gym..No training, no cardio..nothing. I had a few days where I ate whatever the fuck I wanted..Literally WHATEVER! Peanut Butter Pop-Tarts, mixed nuts and Ben & Jerry's is a normal dinner...right? LOL! Well, the food fun was short lived because I felt like a fuckin train hit me...Oh the fun of sugar and sodium (eye roll). I was bloated, crampy and looked a hot mess...But, it was good fun and got it out of my system. After those few days, I cleaned up my meals but still kept my ass out of the gym. I took the free time to catch up on things..work, life etc.

After my week of rest, I got back in the gym over the weekend and it felt AMAZING! My energy is through the roof and my enthusiasm for training is back with a vengeance. I'm keeping my diet tight, while slowly increasing my macros. I've made a slight bump from where I was the last few weeks of prep and as my body responds I'll further increase. I added in some of the things I was craving..Fats and sugar! So increasing my fats a bit with nuts, PB2 (this bitch ain't fuckin around with real PB!) and adding in some fruits which is a nice treat. And no, before you ask...I have NOT weighed myself! I'm still a bit..ummm, fluffy if you will lol But, my body is stabilizing so I'll get a better gauge of where I am holding at in a few weeks.

I am again going to be navigating my own off season and I'm looking forward to it. I have read/followed John Meadows and I'm going to be applying his Mountain Dog program to my training. The progress I've seen others make (and John himself) is incredible, also it's VERY different than any way I've trained in the past so I'm really looking forward to seeing how my body responds. As I said, I will be slowly increasing my macros...With the intensity of my training, I'll definitely be needing the fuel to help with not only gains but recovery. And no, there will be no fuckin cardio!

As far as "What's next" and competition plans....I'm in full off season mindset now. After speaking with the judges, they confirmed exactly what I knew I needed to work on so it's nice to get that confirmation that I can objectively assess my physique. A few people have urged me to compete in the fall, but I don't compete just to compete, just cause I can..The goal for me, it to always bring a better, more improved package to the stage and IMO taking a few weeks off, then going right into prep for fall is NOT going to accomplish what I would like to. Between my off season last year, then a long prep, my body needs a break and that's what I'm giving it. I learned a TON during the last year and I'm excited moving forward.

So the quest begins for bigger, thicker Nicole for 2014!

Team U Recap

I have so many thoughts going through my head that I really don't even know where to begin...


I had a lot of doubts throughout the course of my prep, I was playing in uncharted waters with a new coach and a fresh approach so the learning curve was a steep one. As the weeks ticked by and my prep began to come to a close, I actually had a calm confidence about the physique I was bringing...The one I had worked so hard over the last year to build and shape. With each passing day during the final week, I was getting harder/tighter and dropping weight..With that said, Thursday (the day I left for Jersey) I was in the best shape of my life..my conditioning was unlike it had even been in the past. I was hard...Pec/delt striations, vascularity in my lower abs and even glute/ham separation...I was on point and couldn't have been more excited. Now, fast forward to pre judging on Friday afternoon and I'm disappointed to see that I had softened up, especially my lower body. All of the conditioning I had the day before, even earlier that morning, I had lost, I was watery. Anywho, it is what it is and the show must go on...So, my class was up and we each had our 45sec routine. I went out to center stage, with a smile on my face and hit my poses. As they called us our for comparisons, I was not surprised that I didn't make first call outs, but when the second group of girls came out, I soaked it up and enjoyed the moment.

After pre judging was over, I am not going to bullshit you, of course I was disappointed...that is the competitor in me. Knowing I could have been better sucks, but at the end of the day the judging was over and I missed my mark. With that said, me and my girl went for a little quiet time to wrap up a long day at the diner. I had myself a serious moment with some french toast, bacon, fruit salad and a brownie sundae...and who knew that was exactly what my body needed?! Yep, I looked a million times better than I did only a few hours before that...I've always been one to fear over eating or doing something 'risky' before a show, but clearly my body responded well and I can only assume if I would have had that sort of meal (ok...maybe without the sundae lol) prior to pre judging, my conditioning would have been much different. That is the beauty of this sport, the body is a fascinating machine and it's always teaching us something new. 

Obviously, not being in the first call out made it clear that I was not placing in the top 5 so no routine for me at finals....not that I had it prepared anyway LOL! While it's a bummer not making top 5, it did mean I had ZERO stress or anxiety about my lack of routine..So, when introduced I went out for my last moment on stage and hit my pose with a big smile on my face...I was proud of myself and worked so hard for this, I wanted to take advantage of EVERY moment I had under the lights. The work was over, I did I all I could do and now it was just time to have a fuckin blast and that I did! I watched some of the other routines as well as some of the Men BB as I NOM'd some brownies, then went out to dinner to celebrate with good food and good friends. And for those who care...I had chips w/ salsa, buffalo wings, cajun pasta w/ garlic bread and dessert...Yes, this bitch KNOWS how to celebrate =)

My "contest prep" was a journey that I embarked on a year ago, when I kicked off my figure heels and made the switch to Women's Physique. In that time, life had thrown so many curve balls my way..There were highs of banging out PR after PR and lows of depression and topping the scale with a 50lb weight gain. There were moments when I thought competing was totally off of the table this season, so not only to be able to step on stage but to do it at the national level was a dream come true. 

Overall, my first national show was an experience that I will never forget. Even though, things didn't turn out as well as I would have liked, I can honestly say that I have never had more fun over a competition weekend. Did I come in as conditioned as I would have liked or as well as I could have? No, but at the same time I made significant progress from my last show and I brought my personal best to the stage. In looking at the big picture, I can whole heartedly say that I am proud of myself...as a person and as a competitor. Anyone who knows me, can speak to my quest for perfection, that I am hard on myself, expect much from myself....all very true, but in this sport when our time on the stage is a few minutes at best, I sure hope you get more out of the process than a placing. The fact that this is the first show that I've done where I didn't leave with hardware, but it ranks as the BEST experience in my competitive history pretty much says all you need to know about where I place value in the sport. The things I learned about myself, about others, the friendships and relationships that have been made, strengthened or discovered is priceless.

Now that Team U 2013 is a wrap, I have a few shout outs.....

*Colette and Heidi for making me beautiful. Seriously, I am a girl who lives in gym clothes and wears just enough make up to look awake lol but these two incredible women made me look and feel gorgeous. They are truly artists at what they do. It takes a village to make me a girly girl but you ladies made it happen..My tan was FLAWLESS, my make-up was jaw dropping. Not only did they make me beautiful, but they made the process so much fun...I can't imagine stepping on stage without these ladies doing what they do behind the scenes.*

*Mike Carrubba and Champion Performance. It has truly been an honor to have the support over the last few years from such an amazing group of people. The team at Champion has supported and encouraged my lengthy off seasons, taking the time to switch divisions and has allowed me to develop and grow into the competitor that I have become. There is no question, I would not have been able to take the stage this season without Mike and the crew at Champion in my corner. Thank you for believing in me, I'm proud to be a Champion Performance athlete.*

*My gym family at Body D. I've trained at many gyms over the years and not too many are competitor friendly, most tolerate but don't necessarily encourage or support bodybuilding. The people who work at and/or train at my gym have been so incredibly supportive throughout my journey..whether is was crushing PR's in the off season or hammering out step mill sessions, the sense of support and encouragement is amazing.*

*As I said, this "prep" was really a transformation of my life over the last year and it would not have been possible without the incredible people who have shared in my journey. Chris, Deb, Travis, Dave, Tori, Lance, Herb and Jill...Whether it was listening to my crazy rants (and there were plenty), talking me off the cliff, offering advice or perhaps a different perspective etc..in one way or another you have left a lasting imprint in my life and on my heart...You have showed what real friendships are all about. I am thankful to have you in my world. You have helped make me the person that I am and this experience would not have been possible without you all.*

And saving the best for last...

My family <3

Family are the people who love you unconditionally. Those who see the good, the bad and even the ugly, those who are my strength during my moments of weakness and who believed in me, even when I gave up hope and doubted myself. Rosie and Jimmy...my left and right arms. My life changed the moment you two walked into it and I will be forever grateful for all that you have given me. You are my strength when my face is in the dirt, you pick me up and drag me along but only til I'm strong enough, then you kick me in the ass and tell me to get it together and that is priceless. I love you both with all my heart and I thank you for sharing in these adventures of ours...Yes, OURS. We are a team and this is an experience that couldn't have been possible with anyone else by my side. WE are just getting started xo

If you managed to survive this novel, Kudos to you! And for those of you who are all about the pics, I leave you with this....Until next time :)

Here we gooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wanted to drop a quick little update as my prep is winding down. I'm just a couple of days out from Team U and putting the finishing touches together. Things are moving along and I honestly couldn't be happier with the physique that I'm bringing. My weight is still steady dropping as I'm getting tighter, checking in with my coach daily and he is very pleased with how things have shaped up. Nothing gives ya a little extra oomph like your coach saying "WOW!" when you check in *happy dance*

So, now I'm getting myself packed up..stressing a little as I'm always afraid I'm not prepared or Imma forget something...I've got countless lists and post-its EVERYWHERE! Tomorrow will be a busy day...dropping off my doggies at my parents house in the morning, getting in a light cardio and posing session then hitting the road for Jersey! I'll get settled, go to check ins, get my tan on, and just relax for the evening before the circus gets underway on Friday.

As you can assume, it will be a crazy busy weekend..I'll do my best to check in via FB/cell but you can pretty much assume, Imma be MIA! I'm sure my friends will keep everyone posted and as always, you can check out RxMuscle for their coverage throughout the weekend. 

I'm looking forward to having a hell of a good time this weekend with my best friends, they are all going to be there to share this moment with me and I couldn't ask for more. I want to thank EVERYONE for their support...every text, email, message, comment etc..It's really amazing how many people have reached out to me. I am shocked at how many people have followed my journey over the years, especially this last one and how many people can relate to my random babbling and unfiltered nonsense ;-) 

I'll have a full post show recap but until then.....

Here goes nothing........

Let's do this shit!

5 Days Out!

Only 5 days til Team U!

Say what!?!?!! Really? Yes, really!

It's crazy to think that it's all finally come down to the wire..At times, it seems like I've been prepping/dieting FOREVER and I'm ready to get it done, but on the other hand, I still think I need more time! EEEK!

All the work is done at this point, I'm just cruising along. My weight is still dropping, I'm getting leaner every day...New veins, new striations..YIPPEEEE!!!!!!! I'm getting in the gym, hitting the step mill and getting a pump. I'm also putting in some solid posing time, doing a little fine tuning...And considering I've only got 5 days left, I figure it's a good time to start working on the whole routine thing WHOOPSIE! I'm currently checking in with my coach daily, which is probably a good thing considering I'm an over thinker on another level. Food, water, meal timing..2 day shows?!?! Peaking!?!! *bangs head* And that is why I have a coach...let HIM do the thinking and I'll just do what I'm told. I got nothing but admiration for all you people who do your own prep, I don't know HOW you keep your sanity. It's enough to make my head spin.

My least favorite part of the whole process is all the "beauty" shit the last week. UGH! Hair, nails, skin prep, shaving, blah, blah and blah!!! I am so NOT that girl..I would have much preferred to be sitting at home, snuggled with my dogs than at the hair salon today, making awkward small talk with the girl dying my hair lol At any rate, that is checked off the 'to-do' list...still got nails, shaving is underway and oh yeah, packing...haven't even started!

Overall, the number one thing I am asked is how I'm feeling right now....
I can pretty much sum that up with, if you name an emotion, I'm feeling it. Nervous, excited, anxious, calm, scared, confident...Yep, yep, yep! So, yes, I've got a lot of emotions going through my head but at the end of it all, I am happy with ME! I literally smile when running through my poses, I'm THAT happy...I am in the best shape of my life and no question, I will bring my best physique to the stage and honestly, I can't really ask for more than that.

So, here we go....5 days and counting, let's do this shit!!!!

2 Weeks Out!

I have a lot of random thoughts going on in my head right now, so I apologize in advance for the babbling that is about to occur:
 
It's hard to believe that I'm down to the final 2 weeks (ahem, 12 days) until Team U....
This weekend I had another solid check in with my coach, the scale was down another full pound and my progress pics are consistently improving...It definitely put a little spring in my step. Now, while Noel is happy with my progress and where my physique is, it's time to step it up a notch and get this shit as LEAN as I can in the next 12 days. My shape is there, my muscles are still full and round but my lower body needs to get harder. So, after a quick chat today, he's made some tweaks to my diet and my cardio...He ain't playing and Imma do what needs to be done.

Random musings...

*Numbers are a fascinating little mystery to me. There is NO point in giving a fuck what you weigh or what size you wear. I am in the BEST shape of my life and that is ALL that counts. 

*Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it...I will never beg to do cardio EVER again, that shit blows!

*Yes, I am hungry..tummy rumbling hungry, but I'm not really obsessed with food like I have during previous preps. Would I love some dessert? Hello! Have we met? While I would live off junk food if I could, I'm not cruising for food porn like I used to..I'm not eye-fucking the bakery when food shopping or smelling things. IDK..it's a little weird to be honest.

*I suck at being a girl. Seriously. I got my hair cut last wkend, still have to get it dyed..I hate that shit, such a waste of time when I could be much more productive. Not to mention, the bitch cut too much off GRRRRR!

*Sleep? Not sure what that is anymore. 

*Lazy. I have taken it to another level..I'm normally a lazy person but over the last month or so, I've raised the bar. If it's not food prep or training related, it's not getting done. 

*I put on my suit again this weekend...I had a hard time estimating the size I would be carrying as I dieted down and now I'm a little worried it'll be too big. I still have my suit from last season as a back up but I do really love the new one, so I'm counting on my right hand chick to glue me in to that fucker no matter what!

*Ok, seriously...Can someone put together my routine?!?!?! I got nothing :/ 

  2 weeks out 
Training: 5 Day split, one body part a day, posing as well.
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 2gal H2o (sometimes 3!)
Cardio: 20-30min step mill sessions (time varies depending on how many sessions I break it up into)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)

 

131.2 pounds and dropping...

Let's fuckin do this!!!!

 

3 Weeks Out

 

 

Well, down to the final 3 weeks of my prep for Team U and things are coming together...

 

I checked in with my coach this weekend and had another drop on the scale, down almost 2lbs from last week :) I sent him my dreaded progress pics as well lol..Ok, I'll be nice to myself..There is definite improvement from last week, I'm getting tighter/leaner with each passing day, it seems. My main worry is my ass and hams..The booty is tight but it doest seem to wanna get lean! I hope it joins the party ASAP cause I have nightmares of being the chick on stage with a jiggly ass...Overall, Noel seems pleased with the way things are moving and there are no changes to my program as of now, just going to keep climing the step mill in hopes of finding shredded glutes at the top ;-)

 

Overall, this last week or so has been rough. Not so much prep, but in life..I really do wish I didn't have anything else to deal with, I'd be much more stress free. I'm going to just keep my focus, tunnel vision for the next 3 weeks and deal with the bullshit later. When it comes to my prep worries, stress etc..the mind games are a-plenty right now. I have certain standards and expectations and I was beginning to really get down on myself that I wouldn't be able to bring the package that I want to the stage..Ok, maybe I won't live up to the image that I have concocted in the crazy circus that is my head but I can confidently say, without fail that I will be MY very best yet..I've made leaps and bounds of progress in switching divisions and this is far from a "finish line"...hell, I'm always working towards beating my best and improving along the way, in my mind, there is no true finish line.

 

And I'll wrap up my babbling by answering the most popular questions:

 

"How are you feeling?"...

That is a loaded question and my answer will vary depending when I'm asked lol My energy is pretty BLAH right now..my schedule has me all over the place and pretty much running from 6am-9pm every day, I'm typically ready for a nap by noon :o I'm getting my training and cardio session done with as much oomph as I can muster, strength is down which blows but being lean helps make up for it ;-)

 

"Are you starving?"...

Yes, I am hungry...like, tummy grumbling hungry but my cravings aren't as bad as my previous preps. (Ok, lets be real..I'm always hungry, this bitch can eat and prep has nothing to do with it.) Since my diet has been higher in protein, I do think that has helped with keeping me somewhat satiated but at this point, I'd probably eat my arm off if it would fuck up my symmetry.

 

Well, that about sums it up...3 weeks and here weeeeeeeee goooooooooooo...........

 

3 weeks out 
Training: 5 Day split, one body part a day, posing as well.
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 2gal H2o (sometimes 3!)
Cardio: 20-30min step mill sessions (time varies depending on how many sessions I break it up into)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)



 



4 Weeks Out

Seriously. 4 fuckin weeks(or 3wks and 4days, not that I'm counting)...Time is flying! 

The last week has been a bit hectic to say the least. I am a creature of habit and routine and life has thrown me a few curveballs but Imma keep trucking along. 

I checked in with Noel over the weekend...the scale was down another pound, to 134lbs and my pics are definitely tighter/leaner than last week. Now, having said that, I admit that I was a bit disappointed...I guess I was expecting more of a drop on the scale and hoping that my pictures were better. I have a lot of different thoughts and feelings going through my head right now...As the scale drops and I get leaner, I think that I'm not going to be bringing the size that I would like to, then at the same time, I worry that I am still too fat...I won't be bringing the conditioning that I would like to. I look at this competitor and that competitor and Blah, blah fuckin blah....The reality is, whether I wish I were bigger or whatever, I ain't making gains in the next 4wks so I need to stop wasting energy on the woulda, coulda, shoulda..This is the physique I have, this is what I'm working with and no doubt, I will bring MY best.

The mental side of this journey is by far harder than any physical aspect of it. Training, cardio, dieting..it's really a breeze when it comes to keeping your head in the right place. There are days when the biggest hurdle to your success is between your ears.You think you look one way one minute, then totally different the next. Especially for those of us who are a perfectionist..We want bigger, leaner, more more more...It's enough to drive ya loony. Of course, the flip side to that is it's that same perfectionist in me that keeps me so focused and driven..So, ya take the good with the bad lol 

Of course with all that being said, Noel feels I'm in a good place but yet still did make some slight tweaks to my nutrition...Sooooooooo, we'll see how things go from here.  

Anywho....
With just 4wks to go, the to-do list is getting tackled:

*Tanning and make up with LSR is booked! 
*Waiting on my NPC card, then the entry is a go
*Upon reviewing the entry form, WP routines only need to be 60sec (I had originally thought it was 90!) Color me relieved!
*No, I don't have a routine :/
*Doggy sitter is a reserved (Thank you Momma & Daddy!)

4 weeks out   

 *for the love of the glute/ham tie in*

Training: 5 Day split, one body part a day, posing as well.
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 2gal H2o (sometimes 3!)
Cardio: 20-30min step mill sessions (time varies depending on how many sessions I break it up into)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)

5 Weeks Out

Ok. Down to 5 Weeks
This is when the crazy really starts kickin in....

Overall, things are moving along at a steady pace. I checked in with Noel over the weekend and I was THRILLED with my progress this week. My pictures are showing significant improvement from last week, especially in my lower body (thankyoubabyjesus!). Also, my fascination (yes, fascination NOT obsession) with the scale continues...I dropped a little over a pound this week and I'm sitting at 135lbs even! HOT DAYUM! I never thought I'd see the day where I was excited to be 135lbs lol but I've made incredible progress from last season and now that all the sloppy shit weight I put on over the winter has fallen off, I can SEE all of my work coming together..It's really amazing and part of what makes this process so much fun. 

Random tidbits: 

* I'm running on auto pilot and my days are pretty structured to a T, for some reason lately there keeps being wrenches thrown into my schedule and it's pissing me off. There are only so many hours in the day, I NEED organization!
*Hungry. Yes I am
*Sleep is a luxury for me at this point. I wake up early, go to sleep late and over the last couple of weeks I am lucky if I get 5hrs a night and they are NOT consecutive. 
* Focused. Like, want it so bad I can taste it focused and I'm not talking cake here. 
*I'm sort of hitting a wall if you will..there is the point of prep where nothing is happening, then BOOM! Before you know it, you're 5wks out and the 'to-do' list is a mile fuckin long..One minute I'm chill as can be and the next I'm a fuckin spaz...I need a personal assistant, who works for free lol
*I love my friends. They are awesome <3
*Posing practice NEEDS to become more of a scheduled priority. While I run through it here and there, I need to block out time and just do work. I like the slight tweaks that I've made, but it's not a natural movement for me, so I need to really work on them. 
*Routine...HELP ME!



Ok, I think I about covered all the shit bouncing around in my head...

5 weeks out   

 *the quest for feathered glutes*

Training: 4 Day split/typically 5 on/1 off..moderate and intense/super sets
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 2gal H2o (sometimes 3!)
Cardio: 20-30min step mill sessions (time varies depending on how many sessions I break it up into)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)

A peek into my crazy mind...

"All the significant battles are waged within the self"

It's no secret that I tend to have longer preps than what is considered "normal"...I typically diet anywhere from 18-20wks. This prep for Team U when all is said and done will roughly total 24wks or so. Being in the prep mode for that length of time can and will lead to MANY ups and downs.

So many times we focus on our food or getting our bodies to perform and how we look that we tend to forget that our greatest weapon and most important factor in our journey is our own mind and thoughts. One of the most underestimated aspects of contest prep, it the use of your MIND!

For me, visualization is a KEY to my success....
There is always a turning point for me during my prep where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel if you will. When it seems so far away, I can't picture the finish line, it really does make it hard sometimes to keep pushing when I want to give up but when I turn the corner and it's at that point where I actually begin to SEE my end result..I can visualize everything from my physique to my hair, suit, tanning etc..I can see the package that I have been working hard for.

I know I crack jokes about picturing shredded glutes when I'm chugging my way through cardio, but it's very much the truth. As much as I loath the actual cardio, it's where I do some of my best thinking. While I have yet to put my routine together (I know, I know!)..I do listen to my music, daily...while I'm getting ready for the gym, while doing cardio etc. In my head I go through what I WANT to do, how I want things to look. Even if I'm not practicing my posing, I'm doing it in my head. I think about little tweaks I may want to make, imagine how it will look etc. I will watch Youtube videos and cruise pics online...which BTW doing that on my phone makes the time on the step mill move a little quicker ;)

The power of a positive mindset cannot be ignored. It really can change your life...if you let it. When your mind is right, everything else seems to just fall into place. Now, don't get me wrong..Anyone who knows me can say that I am NOT Miss sunshine and roses, some would say a cynical bitch, I say a realist lol But, when it comes to reaching goals or being successful (in any endeavor) I do believe that your mind can make or break you. Will EVERYTHING happen exactly as I have drawn it out in my head? Of course not, but I can honestly say for my first 6 shows, the final product was BETTER than I had pictured.

So, there is a brief little glimpse into my mind...the PG rated version lol
Now if you'll excuse me, Imma go cruise the interwebz for glute striations while I attempt to actually get some sleep :)

Just rambing nonsense at 6 Weeks Out

I have to say the last week or so has been a really solid week for my prep...

I'm now down to the last 6 weeks and things are just on auto pilot at this point. I checked in with Noel over the weekend and there was just a slight drop on the scale but another week of improvement in my pictures. Everything is shaping up; it's safe to say the bitch has her waist back! BOOM!!!! Even though we'd both like to see a bit more movement/changes, we're staying the course for another week. He did make a minor tweak to my cardio...still the same amount of time overall, but more shorter/intense sessions. Remember that time I was begging for cardio??? Yeah, I was a fuckin idiot! Moral of the story...Don't get fat and be careful what you ask for.

At least once a day, I am asked how I'm feeling....

Overall, I'm feeling pretty good.
**My training is decent, let's be real..I'm 6wks out so I'm not smoking PR's or anything but I'm getting a solid pump and still challenging myself so I'm getting it done. *Energy wise, I'm definitely a morning person lol I seem to have the most energy before noon...after that, I'm ready for a nap but they frown upon that at my office so naps are a no-go :/
 

**Hungry..Yes, I'm fuckin hungry. I've been dieting a looooooooooong time now and I'm hitting the stage of prep when I eat and literally look at my empty bowl, still hungry...Like belly rumbling hungry. It's not as bad as previous preps (or maybe it is but I remember it being worse lol)..With my protein still being very high, it seems to keep me a bit more satiated. Of course MASSIVE greens help...I will jam as much salad into a Tupperware container as humanly possible.
 

**And a lovely combo of energy/hunger...I don't get nearly as much sleep as I should or would like to. I've never been a good sleeper and currently it's pretty rough..I like to be asleep around 11 and up at 6:30am...That is NOT happening unfortunately. I don't fall asleep til midnight, get up a few times to pee (even though I have cut my water off by 10pm) and I wake up routinely from 5am until it's time for breakfast...which would explain why I'm tired all day.

Random prep tidbits:
*Tried on my suit again over the weekend..LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! It's a great fit...now, which has me a little worried that in 6wks it will be too big :( Of course my backstage right-hand woman will glue my ass in that motherfucker so there will be NO wardrobe malfunctions. I also still could wear my suit from last season, if I had to...I suppose it's always good to have back up.
*I've been working on my posing a little bit as well...kind of tweaking and playing with things to see how my physique looks best. And along those same lines, playing with routine ideas as well.

6 weeks out :

Training: 4 Day split/typically 5 on/1 off..moderate and intense/super sets
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 1.5-2gal H2o and 3-4 cups of Tulsi Tea (raspberry/peach)
Cardio: 20-30min step mill sessions (time varies depending on how many sessions I break it up into)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)

Now, that you survived my rambling nonsense, I do have to wrap up with my thoughts on the NY Pro (cause anyone cares what I think LOL!)...That was an AMAZING show! It was fantastic to see Victor back on stage again..Of course, he lost significant size but his conditioning was on and his shape is beautiful...now having said that...Big Ramy <3 <3 <3 Sweet Baby Jesus is Ramy on another level! His size and shape are jaw dropping and his conditioning is solid..once he gets it grainy..Look the fuck out! As for the ladies, this WP line up is exactly what the division is all about..I really love the direction it's going as they begin to get more consistent with the judging. Juliana is jaw dropping..Her shape, size, fullness, conditioning..a spot on! I was thrilled to see Toni West in the top 3, hell her and Karina could have swapped placings, either way..they both brought beautiful packages to the stage. I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of the season plays out leading up to the O.

Following along with the show, cruising pics and watching videos did exactly what it always does...Gave me a little extra OOMP and spring in my step. It was motivational to say the least..For the love of Juliana's quads, booty and hammies..So, until I wake up with a Brazilian booty, Imma just keep squatting and hitting the stairs ;-) 

6 more weeks on the crazy train...........CHOO CHOO!

7 Weeks Out

The leaner I get, the crazier I get...
Consider yourself warned :)

I had a check in with my coach over the weekend and things are moving along. A slight drop on the scale, only a half pound which honestly I was expecting more but it is what it is. My progress pictures this week showed MUCH change from the last set so that's all that matters. I am SEEING progress, literally my body is pretty much changing daily which is why I was expecting a bit more of a drop of the scale. I'm sitting at 137.5lbs right now with pretty solid conditioning..I have delt/trap and pec separation, my obliques are coming in and I've got some hammies..My fat gurl jeans are falling off and I have just one chin and cheek bones, the bobble look is is full effect :) **note to self, don't get fat ever again!

While I have been getting in some posing here and there, this weekend I had my first REAL quality posing session...my body is fuckin sore, just sayin! I got some great perspective and I'm working on making a few little tweaks to really show off my physique the best way I can. One thing I did was practice with my hair down! FUCK!!! I forgot what a pain in the ass that is. I always wear my hair looking like I just rolled out of bed, so people RARELY see it down...it's close to my waist at this point. I'm sweaty, it's sticking to me ugh..I'm the worst "girl" lol

Now, aside from that I'm also starting to put the routine together...Worst part EVER! Of course that leads me to watching hours of routines on Youtube, keeping me up well past my bedtime...now, this only makes my paranoia worst. Lemme sit and watch Kai Greene videos, yeah, bitch..Kai, you are NOT! Anywho, I have my music set and edited, I pretty much know all the poses I want to hit..I know, I'm not a bodybuilder but it's my routine and if I wanna rock a most muscular and a lat spread I will DAMMIT! The problem for me, is getting all the poses to flow to my music. There is a reason I'm not a performer...oh lawd help me *insert panic attack here*

7 weeks out and rolling along:

Training: 4 Day split/ 5-6 days a week..heavy/moderate and intense/super sets
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 1.5-2gal H2o and 3-4 cups of Tulsi Tea (raspberry/peach)
Cardio: 30min step mill sessions (POSING!)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)

And now I leave you with this....
just because I can...

Loneliness is a choice, YOUR choice...

Now that competition season is well underway, one of the most common things I hear is what a "lonely" sport bodybuilding is. What a "lonely" lifestyle it is. In my opinion (which is the only thing that matters, since it's my blog LOL!) that is YOUR choice. If you feel the need to close yourself off from people, or wrap yourself in a little cocoon that's fine but don't complain that nobody understands or supports you or that you're lonely and miserable.

I absolutely LOVE my sport..I love training, even dieting lol I really love the lifestyle that I choose to live. Yes, I CHOOSE my lifestyle..hence, it's something that I enjoy, something that is fulfilling and genuinely makes me happy. Are there moments that I bitch and complain? Would I rather eat ice cream and cookies over egg whites? Of course, I'm human and I have emotions, sometimes they are up and sometimes they are really down but overall, in the grand scheme of things I love what I do.

People say that I'm "lucky" because I have supportive people in my life..I don't think I'm lucky, but I do believe I am fortunate to have the support system that I do. Was it always this way? Hell no, but I make the choice as to who I share my life and my journey with. Not everyone in my world is a competitor or even into the same lifestyle I am but, they are positive forces in my life. They all have a PASSION for SOMETHING, a DRIVE so they understand how happy my sport makes me, therefore they support me in anyway they can.

No doubt, bodybuilding is not a "team" sport in the same sense as baseball or football etc. I get that. It is for the loner, if you will..no argument from me there. Yes, I am the one moving weight in the gym, I'm the one climbing the step mill to hell and there is NOBODY else responsible for prepping and eating my meals except for ME, but to think when I get on stage that it was all me is ridiculous. There are so many incredible people who are there along for the ride with me. From random texts/emails to a pep talk when I'm having a tough day or advice along the way, to listening to me rant about the jerkoff on MY stepmill lol..I do have a TEAM of people who in one way or another make an impact on me and my journey. And honestly, having them on the crazy train with me is part of the fun!

If you aren't happy and you don't LOVE what you're doing then you should take a step back and think about WHY you're doing it. I do truly believe that you are "who you hang with" so I limit my time with people who suck the energy and positivity out of my life. If you're locking yourself in a cave just to compete, you're missing out on some incredible opportunites/experiences and you're not really getting the full reward of the journey.

8 Weeks Out!

Tick tock, tick tock....
This weeks check-in was, ummmm...interesting lol

I got up, did my weight and pics like normal but the scale was UP a few pounds and my pics looked horrible..like potbelly horrible :( I don't know what the fuck was going on but it pissed me off. Unfortunately, (or fortunately depending how ya look at it) my laptop wasn't working so I was unable to send my info over to my coach. Instead of smashing it, I took it as a sign to get my ass to the gym. While I was training and posing, I'm pleasantly (and annoyingly) surprised that I look a million times better than I did earlier that morning!?!? After driving myself INSANE about why things seemed so off, I realized prior to taking pics or getting on the scale, I hadn't gone to the bathroom that morning..hmmmm....or for a while come to think of it! So, the next day I redid everything...scale, pics the whole sha-bang and BOOM! The scale was down and my pics looked much better and showed CLEAR progress from last week. I could see that I'm getting tighter overall, but it's especially noticeable in my back, ass and legs. My waistline is definitely back..thankyousweetbabyjesus!

So, the moral of the story ladies is make sure you poop BEFORE you take stats and pics! Yes, boys we poop and get periods (well, some of us lol)...get over it :) 

Ahem, back to the check-in lol
My coach is happy with how I'm progressing, as am I.
8 weeks is an interesting amount of time...there's a good chunk of time to make some great changes but also, no fuckin time to play around. Do I stop and give myself props for how far I've come? Of course! Hell, I'm down to 137.5 which is OVER a 20lb loss (while keeping my size) from my sloppy off season max, but that just shows me what I'm capable of and it's time to crank this bitch into another gear and do fuckin work! There are no changes to my diet this week, but Noel did bump up my cardio to 30min sessions..again, not too bad but those extra 10min on the step mill are WICKED! When I'm not able to use the step mill and I have to use another piece of equipment, it just seems too easy, barely break a sweat, like I'm wasting my time..It feels good to feel FIT again. I like being in good shape :)

8 weeks out and here's plan of action:

Training: 4 Day split/ 5-6 days a week..heavy/moderate and intense
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 1.5-2gal H2o and 3-4 cups of Tulsi Tea (raspberry/peach)
Cardio: 30min step mill sessions (plus posing, which I NEED to do more of!)Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Adrenol8 (pre/wo), Pure Whey and my crack,ThermoGold (3x a day lol)

9 Weeks Out

It's update time boys and girls!
I'm 9 weeks out now from Team U and things are moving along pretty well....

I took pics as well as got my ass on the scale this weekend and the progress is there! YAY! The scale dropped again, nearly 2lbs and while yes, it feels good to see that number drop (ok..fucking amazing lol), it feels even better to SEE it in my physique. Each week my body is changing, I see it in the mirror and in pictures..My shape is coming back! The waistline that I love (and missed) so much is back...or my delts and lats are bigger, either way, I'll take it ;-)

Things on the diet and training front are just pretty much cruising on auto pilot right now. I get in the gym, I get shit done, I eat like clock work and keep chugging along. I'm definitely hitting the stage of hunger..like, more than my normal hunger. I'm licking my tupperware, but yeah..I do that year round so I can't blame the diet lol It's nothing terrible, it's been worst in the past but I'm assuming since my diet is higher in protein it's keeping me a little more satiated than previously. I'm also proud to say that I'm tearing it up with my cardio..It feels good to not be so winded and out of shape anymore. It's nice to not only LOOK fit but to actually BE fit.

Other than that, things are starting to move along in other prep-like aspects....

*I officially have my suit!!!! *jumping up and down* As we all know, suits are one of the most expensive parts of competing..unfortunately a new suit was just not in the cards for me this season but a friend has loaned me her BEAUTIFUL suit to rock...She considers it "The sisterhood of the traveling suit" <--her words, not mine LOL! I tried it on this weekend and literally screamed with excitement! 

*I got my jewelry a while back at the Arnold, Thank You Fantasy Fitness Wear! Between the suit and my jewels, the bling is all set.

*I also decided on my routine music, my friend edited it for me this weekend and it's all ready to go! Now, I've got 9wks to put something together! Ummm...yeah, this is the hard part. I've got my work cut out for me here. A performer, I am not...HELP ME!!!!!!!

Yes, I still have a ways to go but I can SEE it and no doubt this package is coming together!

9 weeks out and here's plan of action:

Training: 4 Day split/ 5-6 days a week..heavy/moderate and intense
Diet: Low fats/Moderate carb/High protein; 1.5-2gal H2o and 3-4 cups of Tulsi Tea (raspberry/peach)..Thank you Rene!
Cardio: 20min step mill sessions (posing and now routine practice should count..IMO!)
Supplementation: Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, ProFlex Advance Joint Support, Liver Cleanse, Muscle Nitro PM, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Adrenol8 (pre/wo), Pure Whey and the love of my life, ThermoGold :)