I've been getting countless messages/comments lately from women who have given me the most amazing compliments...that I am source of inspiration and motivation for them!
That blows my mind, which has prompted me to write this post.....
I don't really possess much of a filter from my brain to my mouth, so I tend to be raw and honest..some like it, some don't but that's just me. My struggles with body image isn't something that I am ashamed of or afraid to talk about. Let's be fuckin real...anyone in the physique world has some sort of image/insecurity issues to begin with, it's part of what drives us. For some reason, MOST people don't like to talk about it..well, I ain't one of them :)
The balance between being competition ready and being in growth mode (I hate the word "bulk") can be a tough one. I have been through several 'off seasons' over the years and each one, while I still struggle, it gets a bit easier and I embrace it a more. The reality is we CANNOT be show ready 24/7/365...and who wants to!?! If you really think about what we go through the last few weeks of prep to really dial it in and how we feel...physically and mentally...who the fuck wants that year round?!?! Yes, I looooooooooove to be conditioned..veins, striations..SEXY but I also love having energy, feeling strong and healthy. The key is loving your 'off season' self just as much...and allowing yourself to LIVE. To keep that ripped body we all love, means hardcore, strict, prep-like dieting and I'm sorry to all the diet Nazis out there but I want to have dessert...I want to go out to dinner and NOT bring my Tupperware, I know...crazy, sue me!
Now, with that said...I still have my highs and lows with it all. Right now, I am a wee bit softer than I would like to be. My strength is through the roof, I'm hitting PR's in the gym and making fantastic gains to my physique...So, while I may be softer, I am not SLOPPY and that is important to me. You see some competitors that don't even look like they train unless they are "prepping"..well, as for myself, the 'off season' is a prep of sorts..I am building and creating the package that I will eventually bring to the stage. There are the high days, when I'm pumped/full and feeling like a beast in the gym...then there are the lows days, when I can't fit into some clothes or when I see that my waist is now a muffin top and not 22" and I am literally begging for it to be fall so I can hide under a hoodie..yes, I have days where I wanna cry (and sometimes I do)..There are days where I just want to prep and get this fuckin fat off ASAP and then days where I say 'fuck it' and have brownies and ice cream...so I do!
I received the most amazing compliment, that just made me smile...
I was thanked for posting 'off season' pictures, not just photo shoot/comp pics but "REAL", everyday me pics and that I have shown how to be fit, healthy and beautiful in the off season...That made my jaw drop. It just goes to show that we don't see ourselves how others do. I look in the mirror and see a girl who still struggles with balancing it all...diet, body fat, clothing..pinching my belly etc...yet, that isn't how others see me.
At the end of the day WE all struggle with body image in some form, most just don't admit it...but to those who think someone else has it 'all together'..I call bullshit! Just sayin..
Sometimes, I just have to remind myself what my goals are and what I have to do to get there. Is it easy? Sometimes..others, it's hard as fuck but again, it's a matter of perspective and looking at the bigger picture.
So, no..
I'm far from having it all together but each day I am a little bit closer...
AMEN!!!!!
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