I'm still alive and babblin....

I'm alive!

Hot damn, seems like I haven't updated my blog in FOREVER!
Don't worry, I am still alive, kickin and bitchy as ever =)

My growth season in rolling right along, just as everything in life..a roller coaster of ups and downs.

As far as my training is concerned, I am still running 5/3/1 and my progress is off the fuckin charts!!! I'm pretty much hitting PR's on the regular...Just this week alone, I hit 115lbs on my bench, 250lb on my dead lift and 225lb on my squat all for triples..HELL FUCKIN YEAH!!!!!! With the exception of my core lifts, I have been doing more lighter weights and higher reps to mix things up. To me, "high rep" has always been 12-15..but, the past few months, I have been hitting as many as 20-30 depending on the exercise and lemme tell you..my muscles are like WTF!?!?!? It's definitely exhausting, different than I have ever trained before but my body is responding and that is undeniable. I am fortunate to train around like-minded people, and their influence cannot be measured...Like a man, ladies...a good spotter is hard to find and can make all the difference ;-) My body is taking a beating, I'm feeling it daily, so I am definitely making sure my supplementation is on point. Glutamine, BCAA's, Fish Oil etc (thank you sweet baby Jesus for CN and their incredible products!)..keeping hydrated as well as getting plenty of rest. I also got in to see my chiro, which I need to get back to doing on the regular and Imma start foam rolling too..I've got to take care of my machine.

As always, the place where I tend to struggle is my diet..
I'm training hard as fuck and my body is HUNGRY! While I know I gotta fuel it to grow, I also don't need to eat like a sumo wrestler...that is a line I struggle with cause this bitch can put away some food! So, I'm learning along the way..making tweaks etc. I tried this whole "listen to my body, eat when hungry" sort of thing but ummm..fuck that! I don't have hunger/fullness cues..so Imma keep eating LOL! Right now, I'm keeping my protein intake higher, carbs a moderate 'cycle'..less on rest days and more on training days, while keeping my fats consistent. My biggest hurdle is stress..Some people have no appetite when stressed, Me? I wish! I am an emotional stress eater. When life stresses me out, I put sweets in my pie hole so I'm working on getting that under wraps. When I'm in the "right" mindset, I can make smart, healthy yet still delicious decisions..even if they aren't "on plan". Overall, I have more good days than bad so I gotta give myself props for that. The reality is, I gotta fuckin LIVE and I'm not going to be on a "prep" type diet year-round..been there, done that..nofuckinthankyou! So, balance and moderation....a never ending quest.

And, finally......weight and body image update ((eye roll)) lol
I am asked, pretty much daily (how weird is that!??) how much I weigh! I still haven't stepped on the scale...since June 3rd! I can SEE the size that I've put on, both lean mass and fluff, so I really have no need for the scale to tell me that I've gained weight. My clothes are telling the story...I pretty much LIVE in my gym clothes cause aside from that, not much fits me. Even my "fitted" t-shirts, I've been cutting the sleeves off cause they strangle my delts LOL! I have good days and bad..I love the shape my body is taking..My delts are round and full, my back is wide and thick, my legs have come up a ton and my booty is round..that makes me THRILLED! Of course, I could live without the jiggly belly tho:( As someone who's "tiny waist" has been my calling card so to speak, losing it really blows but, with the added size I'm putting on..it's all about the illusion anyway, not to mention throwing down some PR's helps me ignore my expanding waistline (repeats to myself daily lol).

WHEW!
Apparently, I had quite a bit to babble on about...
Until next time :)

My perspective on body image..

I've been getting countless messages/comments lately from women who have given me the most amazing compliments...that I am source of inspiration and motivation for them!

That blows my mind, which has prompted me to write this post.....

I don't really possess much of a filter from my brain to my mouth, so I tend to be raw and honest..some like it, some don't but that's just me. My struggles with body image isn't something that I am ashamed of or afraid to talk about. Let's be fuckin real...anyone in the physique world has some sort of image/insecurity issues to begin with, it's part of what drives us. For some reason, MOST people don't like to talk about it..well, I ain't one of them :)

The balance between being competition ready and being in growth mode (I hate the word "bulk") can be a tough one. I have been through several 'off seasons' over the years and each one, while I still struggle, it gets a bit easier and I embrace it a more. The reality is we CANNOT be show ready 24/7/365...and who wants to!?! If you really think about what we go through the last few weeks of prep to really dial it in and how we feel...physically and mentally...who the fuck wants that year round?!?! Yes, I looooooooooove to be conditioned..veins, striations..SEXY but I also love having energy, feeling strong and healthy. The key is loving your 'off season' self just as much...and allowing yourself to LIVE. To keep that ripped body we all love, means hardcore, strict, prep-like dieting and I'm sorry to all the diet Nazis out there but I want to have dessert...I want to go out to dinner and NOT bring my Tupperware, I know...crazy, sue me!

Now, with that said...I still have my highs and lows with it all. Right now, I am a wee bit softer than I would like to be. My strength is through the roof, I'm hitting PR's in the gym and making fantastic gains to my physique...So, while I may be softer, I am not SLOPPY and that is important to me. You see some competitors that don't even look like they train unless they are "prepping"..well, as for myself, the 'off season' is a prep of sorts..I am building and creating the package that I will eventually bring to the stage. There are the high days, when I'm pumped/full and feeling like a beast in the gym...then there are the lows days, when I can't fit into some clothes or when I see that my waist is now a muffin top and not 22" and I am literally begging for it to be fall so I can hide under a hoodie..yes, I have days where I wanna cry (and sometimes I do)..There are days where I just want to prep and get this fuckin fat off ASAP and then days where I say 'fuck it' and have brownies and ice cream...so I do!

I received the most amazing compliment, that just made me smile...

I was thanked for posting 'off season' pictures, not just photo shoot/comp pics but "REAL", everyday me pics and that I have shown how to be fit, healthy and beautiful in the off season...That made my jaw drop. It just goes to show that we don't see ourselves how others do. I look in the mirror and see a girl who still struggles with balancing it all...diet, body fat, clothing..pinching my belly etc...yet, that isn't how others see me.

At the end of the day WE all struggle with body image in some form, most just don't admit it...but to those who think someone else has it 'all together'..I call bullshit! Just sayin..

Sometimes, I just have to remind myself what my goals are and what I have to do to get there. Is it easy? Sometimes..others, it's hard as fuck but again, it's a matter of perspective and looking at the bigger picture. 

So, no..

I'm far from having it all together but each day I am a little bit closer...

Kickin addictions and hitting PR's

I have to say right now, I'm mentally in a pretty solid place with my off season. Things are going really well and I am thrilled with my progress thus far. While I do have some help and guidance, going at it alone isn't always easy..it leads to a lot of second guessing myself and what I'm doing but overall, I am definitely on an upswing.

My training is fuckin bangin..I am nailing it!

5/3/1 in my opinion is such an incredible program to run..I make such great gains, in strength and the size I'm putting on. It seems crazy, but I literally feel like I am hitting a PR every day in the gym..whether it's with the weight, or reps..I'm always surpassing something I've done in the past and that is a fuckin awesome feeling and just keeps me that much more motivated. Some notable PR's were most recently 215lbs squat for 3, 115lbs flat bench for a single (no spotter, I definitely had more in me!), 95lbs BB press for 5....hmmmm, I think that's all off the top of my head. I know I've been hitting rep PR's on things like lateral raises, dips etc.. I have also been keeping up with my cardio, lifting ALWAYS my top priority so if there's no time for cardio than so be it but I'm definitely getting a few solid sessions in each week.

 

In my last post, I mentioned my attempt at kicking my addiction and let's be fuckin real..wicked dependency on uppers and downers. I am proud to say that I have cut back a TON!!! As far as my stimulants go, I am no longer poppin fat burners and washing them down with energy drinks..GO ME! The only stimulates I am having right now is a couple of scoops of Adrenol8 before I train and maybe a diet soda or SMALL energy drink in the afternoon but even that isn't daily. The crash sucked, I felt like a fuckin train hit me for a few days but I'm feeling good. As hard as that has been to kick, the downers..or sleeping pills have been just as hard. I don't do RX, which I know a few people have asked me about..I'm all about OTC..but of course as the body adapts, I was talking handfuls every night :o) I cut them COLD TURKEY! So, I now lay down and get to sleep with just Muscle Nitro PM...without Benadryl, Unisom, Advil PM's etc..It has been rough though, but overall while it takes me longer to fall asleep..my quality of sleep is better and I don't feel hungover in the morning...and don't need stims to get me going...see how that little cycle works..funny huh?!

 

And in other musings bouncing around in my head...

*Weight: Don't have a fuckin clue

*Why can't I make veggies taste the way the Chinese restaurants do?!!?

*Over this summer heat and my 2+gal of water a day..

*Crystal Lite Mojito and Appletini need alcohol

*It's Aug 5th..Where did this year go?!!!