Late night musings.............

I'm almost 2mo into my growth/improvement season and overall, I have to say things are really coming along well. My training is progressing with each workout, be it in strength or endurance..the PR's are coming. My body is responding really well to 5/3/1, which is with out a doubt my favorite program to run. I feel that I am able to SEE my physique objectively when it comes to the areas that I need to bring up etc..My symmetry is pretty solid, so the focus is really putting on as much size as I can while still keeping the pleasing shape and lines that I have...so far, so fuckin good! 


As much as I've been nailing it in the weight room, I have been slacking in the kitchen...I know, big fuckin shocker ((eye roll)). While I do have my macros laid out as far as the numbers I want to hit, I am definitely doing a lot of trial and error as far as giving myself some freedom...admitidly sometimes too much lol. My hunger is through the roof which to me says this bitch is growing and I gotta keep it fed..so I was trying a little eating by feel as opposed to eating by the clock or spreadsheet...yeah, I dont recognize "fullness" cues so that didnt really work too well :o) So, while I'm not trying to be hella-prep strict I do need to tighten shit up cause I'm a wee bit too soft right now. 


One thing I have decided to tackle is my addiction to uppers and downers LOL! I am a caffeine/stim junky...fat burners, energy drinks, pre workouts etc..I literally am all jacked up from the moment I wake up....then to go to sleep, I'm not going to bullshit ya, I love me some sleep aids...So I'm running on energy boosters all day, then I gotta bring myself down to get any sleep. Clearly, this is NOT a healthy thing to be weighing on my body 24/7 so I have been slowly cutting back...Not cutting out yet, cause the crash and withdrawl is WICKED! I have cut back significantly, and hopefully within the next few weeks I will actually lay down and go to sleep like a normal person...not like the junky that I am...I know it and own it :) 


Again, the quest for scale avoidance is still underway! It's been almost 2 months since I stepped on it and I'm definitely tempted to..I'm thinking another few weeks and I may give it a whirl. My clothes are getting a little too tight, in not all the right areas lol so I know I gotta drop a little fluff. I also plan on taking REAL progress pics within the next few weeks too,...but here are a few classic mirror shots to hold ya over til then...cause I know you are on the edge of your seats! 


Please forgive me for my retarded babbling...I'm up past my bed time, damn sleeping pills :/

Strength is mental and physical...

One of the struggles that I have always faced is the balance of an off season...Prepping, I do so well..It's a fucked up gift of obsession and compulsion that I have...being "normal" well, yeah I pretty much suck at that lol. There is a line between soft and sloppy and I have definitely been walking it tightly but over the last week or so I feel like I'm rolling along and focused again.

My diet is on point, keeping my body fueled towards performance and recovery. My appetite is through the fucking roof..I am literally ALWAYS hungry :/ Let's hope that means baby gurl is getting swole LOL! I'm keeping my protein intake high with carbs and fats moderate. One thing that I am uber excited about is my training! I started running 5/3/1 again and while I'm only almost through my first wave, I feel fantastic and most importantly, I am HEALTHY! I have no nagging injuries, no aches and pains..training feels incredible again. I haven't hit any major PR's yet, but there is no doubt they are just around the corner. I've also been getting my cardio sessions in on the regular..I pretty much hate it, would rather do anything else but hey, if I didn't slack in the kitchen then I wouldn't have to be hitting the treadmill. Overall, after a slight tumble I am back in the swing of things and feeling good in the direction things are going in.

I have been getting a lot of questions from people who see me in person or in pics via FB or whatever...People, ok...other women are always asking how much I weigh! I can still say I don't know..for realz, I haven't stepped on the scale since the first of June and I really don't foresee myself doing it anytime soon. I can see and feel the changes I am making in my physique, I am adding size where I want and when I'm feeling fluffy in other areas, I don't need the scale to tell me. For the most part, the clothes I wear on the regular are still fitting me so until I attempt to put on a pair of jeans I will refrain from any panic attacks. I know how quickly I can become a slave to the scale and that magic number, as much as I am curious..it's not worth the insanity. 

So here's to eating, training and growing...

The only numbers that matter on the one's in the gym :)

For who? For what?

Warning: Imma rant for a hot second....

Even though I may be in my "off season" one of the things I love to do is attend competitions and support my friends as they take their ride in this crazy sport that I adore. I've attended quite a few shows this summer and one thing I really cannot stand is all the bitching and complaining about the sport from the people who CHOOSE...yes, CHOOSE to compete.


Bodybuilding, is not like other sports...it's subjective. What one person likes, another doesnt...One panel of judges prefers one look, while another panel will reward a completly different look. While yes, we all want to win..That's what makes us competitiors, there comes a point where you have to look at the bigger picture and whats really important to you. Does placing all your self worth on a plastic trophy really make you happy?!?!? I hear people whine and complain about everything they "gave up" to get on stage and they still didn't win..If it makes you miserable, if you're not enjoying the experience then why the fuck are you doing it??! The reality is, we are getting on stage in a teeny tiny suit ASKING to be judged on our bodies...Why complain when you don't like what you hear? Sure, it's not always pleasant..but overall it should be a rewarding experience.


As far as myself is concerned, yes..I LOVE this sport and I am crazy competitive. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a perfectionist and I want to be the best at everything I do..I don't care if its fuckin mini golf (which I suck at BTW) or a game of Candy Land..I wanna fuckin win! I live the bodybuilding lifestyle everyday, but I'm not on stage everyday..Seriously, we get a hot second on stage. I will NEVER be miserable and unhappy with my appearance just to bring the package that could "win" or just to please someone else, I can't worry about what people think of me..I have to love me...I will bust my ass to bring MY best, if it doesn't win, am I disappointed? Of course I am, but I have to live in my skin 24/7/365 and I will not bring a physique to the stage that I am not happy with or proud of just for a trophy. I will bust my ass in gym and in the kitchen to have the look that I desire, the look that I find beautiful when I stand in front of the mirror..Regardless of what anyone thinks.  

While this rant was physique or bodybuilding oriented, the simple principle of "Do what makes YOU happy" really applies to all aspects of life. Everyday we make tons of choices, sure in a perfect world they would all be easy and life would be a ball of fuckin sunshine but that isnt realistic...sometimes shit just sucks lol But, overall in the grand scheme of things, if your choices be it bodybuilding or anything else arent making you smile then what the fuck are you doing and why are you doing it?! Life is too short to be miserable...Yes, I will bitch..rant and complain but at the end of the day nobody has a gun to my head MAKING me do anything...I love what I do, I smile and I'm happy.

Now, feel free to flame me and all that good shit...lol
Til then, I leave you with this little diddy.....