The last week or so has been all over the place...physically and mentally.
This post has bipolar written all over it...
Consider yourself warned!
I'll kick it off with...
THE BAD:
I really can't pinpoint exact why I was feeling like I was but every day was a struggle in the gym. My diet is on point, sleep was normal (which is typically shitty) etc..I'll be feeling good but yet, I just didn't "have it" when I stepped in the weight room. Everyone knows I pretty much live for deadlifting (yes, that's my life lol) so when my pulls are shitty, it's incredibly frustrating. I haven't gone for a max pull in a while, so I was amped as all hell to go for it but it just sucked..I hit a PR of 320 for 3 then followed that up with a PR of 340 for a single..I then went for 350 but couldn't get it past my knees :( Honestly, I shouldn't have even went for it..while I got 340, my form wasn't ideal..I muscled that fucker up. I tried to be positive..I mean, 2 PR's in one session is nothing to be pissed off about, right??
While I was able to brush off that slight hiccup..the disaster that is my bench press is another fuckin story. More than anything, my form really needs work and I just didn't have a feel for any sort of weight. I failed horrendously...I could barely move 155 for a single, when I was able to bang out sets of 5 with it the week before..everything felt heavy. I felt weak, achy and just fatigued. The rest of my chest training was just going through the motions..it was 2 days in a row where I just didn't have it and it was incredibly demoralizing. I'm talking throwing my wraps, kicking shit type of frustration.
THE CRAZY:
And this is where the crazy side of my head takes over...
After having a shitty week of training and my lifts just fuckin tank, I start to question myself. Only 5 weeks left...WTF did I get myself into?? Am I in over my head?? I'll never hit the numbers that I want to..I fuckin suck, blah blah..I hate failing, more than anything. Did I mention I'm fat and out of shape too? I have set such retarded expectations for myself that I put an immense amount of pressure at times I get overwhelmed..yes, all by myself, self inflicted hysteria..I know..fuckin stupid. **bangs head**
To end things on a positive note...
THE GOOD:
After the few shitty days in the gym, I took a rest day just did some light cardio and came back ready to get shit done. So, even while my pulls and bench lacked..I nailed sexy PR's (yes, they were dead sexy!) on both my military press and squats. 145 for a triple on presses and hit a 300 squat for a single..HOLY FUCKIN SHIT! It was my first time even attempting it, so to get it was really mind blowing. Talk about an self esteem booster to wrap up the week I was having. To say my morale got a kick in the ass would be an understatement...
As if finally crushing some numbers wasnt amazing enough, all things vanity driven are moving in a positive direction as well. While my weight held steady this week, I can see the changes in my physique..ok, I'm not much leaner/tighter lol but I am beginning to see my shape taking place and some more lines when I'm training..so that's a win all around.
That feeling, that rush..the high of doing something that I at one point would have never imagined possible, is what I live for..it's a high that I chase and when I get, it just makes me want to raise the bar to the next level..Even through the bad days and the crazy ones too, I just fuckin love this shit and really, that is what it's all about.
If you managed to survive the minefield that is my brain, I leave you with this little gem of wisdom courtesy of JB...
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