((GULP)) 3 Weeks Out

Entry is signed, sealed and delivered!
(Ok..it's really paypal'd but that's not as catchy lol)


Even though I had already mentally committed to the meet, until that shit was on lock, it didn't feel "real"...now, it's fuckin on!

The countdown is now at just 3 Weeks til my meet..OMFG! There are a multitude of thoughts/emotions going through me at any given moment. I'm REALLY excited, but at the same time, since it's something I've never done there is a bit of fear of the unknown. While I'm not new to the power lifting world, I am new to the platform but I honestly can't think of a better way to wrap up what has been an awesome off season.

In my last post, I expressed my ummm...frustration with my training as of late, well thankfully this week was definitely a more positive one...

Have I mentioned how disappointed I am that this isn't a full meet?!?!? My squats have really come a long way and they're one of my best lifts. After hitting a PR last week, I went in after having 2 solid days of rest and hit 275x3, 285x1, 295x1 then 305x1..It was a sweet fuckin night! The fact that just a couple of months ago, 275 was my 1RM and I'm now repping it smoothly is a hell of a feeling...Yeah, I'm now chasing a 315 squat :D

My bench has been a serious thorn in my side..I've been STRUGGLING on another level. After 3 weeks of just failing during my training sessions, I was able to hit 165 for 2 sets of 3..while, I'm less than thrilled with the numbers, I was relieved to have a good night.. My form seems to be my sticking point on the bench. I still have yet to hit my max from last off season, so to say I'm frustrated and disappointed would be putting it mildly. Obviously, I will not be breaking any records, but with just a few weeks to go, now isn't the time to make crazy changes. At this point, I'm just going in with the goal to not bomb and I'll work on fixing things after the meet. I really think I should be allowed to sub my bench with squats..just an idea lol

Fun with deads! One thing I suck at doing is even estimating or projecting any sort of numbers. The last time I attempted a 1RM, I hit 340 and failed at 350..recently for reps I was able to get 330 for a triple, it was a grinder after doing sets with 310 and 320, so what can I expect down the road, hell if I know lol My deads have progressed a bit slower than I would like, but I think that has more to do with my lofty goals which aren't always realistic..so while it may not be in a few weeks, 405 WILL happen!


Now I'll wrap up with all things physique oriented..I'm fat lol Ok, I kid, kid..kinda.
My weight is pretty much holding steady at about 162.(somethingorother)lbs, slightly annoyed but I do feel like my composition is shifting a bit, so I'll take that as a win. I have been getting in a few days of cardio each week, which is a lovely reminder of how out of shape I am. My diet has been pretty "clean", I'm hitting my macros for the most part, except for a rare meal out but even then, I'm making decent choices..No dessert menus for dinner :/

I've been asked several times if I am cutting weight...NO. Whatever weight I weigh in at is the weight class I will compete at, prep will begin soon enough, so I'm just rolling along at this point...

The Good, The Bad and The Crazy

The last week or so has been all over the place...physically and mentally. 
This post has bipolar written all over it...
Consider yourself warned!

I'll kick it off with...

THE BAD:
I really can't pinpoint exact why I was feeling like I was but every day was a struggle in the gym. My diet is on point, sleep was normal (which is typically shitty) etc..I'll be feeling good but yet, I just didn't "have it" when I stepped in the weight room. Everyone knows I pretty much live for deadlifting (yes, that's my life lol) so when my pulls are shitty, it's incredibly frustrating. I haven't gone for a max pull in a while, so I was amped as all hell to go for it but it just sucked..I hit a PR of 320 for 3 then followed that up with a PR of 340 for a single..I then went for 350 but couldn't get it past my knees :( Honestly, I shouldn't have even went for it..while I got 340, my form wasn't ideal..I muscled that fucker up. I tried to be positive..I mean, 2 PR's in one session is nothing to be pissed off about, right??

While I was able to brush off that slight hiccup..the disaster that is my bench press is another fuckin story. More than anything, my form really needs work and I just didn't have a feel for any sort of weight. I failed horrendously...I could barely move 155 for a single, when I was able to bang out sets of 5 with it the week before..everything felt heavy. I felt weak, achy and just fatigued. The rest of my chest training was just going through the motions..it was 2 days in a row where I just didn't have it and it was incredibly demoralizing. I'm talking throwing my wraps, kicking shit type of frustration.

THE CRAZY:
And this is where the crazy side of my head takes over...
After having a shitty week of training and my lifts just fuckin tank, I start to question myself. Only 5 weeks left...WTF did I get myself into?? Am I in over my head?? I'll never hit the numbers that I want to..I fuckin suck, blah blah..I hate failing, more than anything. Did I mention I'm fat and out of shape too? I have set such retarded expectations for myself that I put an immense amount of pressure at times I get overwhelmed..yes, all by myself, self inflicted hysteria..I know..fuckin stupid. **bangs head**

To end things on a positive note...

THE GOOD:
After the few shitty days in the gym, I took a rest day just did some light cardio and came back ready to get shit done. So, even while my pulls and bench lacked..I nailed sexy PR's (yes, they were dead sexy!) on both my military press and squats. 145 for a triple on presses and hit a 300 squat for a single..HOLY FUCKIN SHIT! It was my first time even attempting it, so to get it was really mind blowing. Talk about an self esteem booster to wrap up the week I was having. To say my morale got a kick in the ass would be an understatement...
As if finally crushing some numbers wasnt amazing enough, all things vanity driven are moving in a positive direction as well. While my weight held steady this week, I can see the changes in my physique..ok, I'm not much leaner/tighter lol but I am beginning to see my shape taking place and some more lines when I'm training..so that's a win all around. 

That feeling, that rush..the high of doing something that I at one point would have never imagined possible, is what I live for..it's a high that I chase and when I get, it just makes me want to raise the bar to the next level..Even through the bad days and the crazy ones too, I just fuckin love this shit and really, that is what it's all about.

If you managed to survive the minefield that is my brain, I leave you with this little gem of wisdom courtesy of JB...

Fun with numbers

I'm rolling into the new year with a new excitement if you will. With training, dieting etc..things get a little mundane and there are times where you just kinda go through the motions but I'm in a place right now where I'm really amped up for the year.

Kicking off 2014 with a 6 weeks out update from my meet....
The competitor in me, equates EVERYTHING to "weeks out" lol

As far as my training is concerned, bitch is crushing motherfuckin PRs! When training for power/strength, I've always chased that 1RM..I just wanted that big number. With the current power program I'm running, I've been doing much more volume than I'm used to..but that's still equating to hitting personal bests. I'm making consistent progress across the board...*even if it's kicking my ass*

Of all my lifts, my squat has progressed the most..I feel like it's definitely responding to the higher volume. Unfortunately, my meet is push/pull lol but, I've still got those personal goals to check off...aka: a 300lb squat :) I guess you could say I feel like my deadlift is at a standstill since I haven't pulled heavy singles much at all. I am pulling heavy for sets of 3 and 5, which kills my out of shape ass so here's hoping when I go for a max come meet time, I can pull it with speed and ease...or as easy as a max lift can be. Of course with the good, there is the bad..my bench FUCKIN blows! It's pretty much the source of any and all frustration in the gym...it's significantly behind all my other lifts, which considering I never trained my chest heavy (or flat benched at all) til the last year or so, I really can't be too surprised, but I am kickin myself for it.

With all that said, notable PRs: 
Squat 275x3**Deadlift 320x3 and 340x1**Military Press 145x3**Bench 165*3

And in all things physique driven.....
In my quest for being fit and not a sloppy, sluggish mess I have also started incorporating cardio 3 times a week..Yeah, fuckin cardio (eyeroll) All kidding aside, as much as I loathe cardio I do look forward to being more in shape. I'm not asking or expecting for much, it would be nice not to get winded playing with my dogs and I could live without all types of shit jiggling :/

While I am not "dieting", I am locking down focus on my nutrition. The goal as of now is really to get some structure and consistency with my nutrition and see how my body responds to my macros moving forward...Basically a bit of a recomp rolling into my meet.  Nothing crazy strict, but definitely weighing/measuring and food prepping. As of now, my macros are 45F/200C/165-175P daily and a higher carb reefed once a week as well as a "free" meal..When I say free, I'm talking a nice meal out, but making a smart choice..as opposed to my usual pint of ice cream, pizza and a box (or 3) or Pop Tarts lol

With the calendar change, it was also the first weigh in of the year.. I dropped 2.4lbs from my "before fatty cakes holiday fun" weight. I'm currently sitting at 162.6lbs which was a pleasant surprise to say the least..but that excitement was quickly kicked in the throat when I broke out the camera and stripped down for the first time since last season. After I got over the shock and horror of seeing myself in a bikini, I stepped back and grabbed a little perspective..Yes, I am MUCH fatter than I'd like to be, but I'm also carrying my weight much better than I did last year..in looking back, I'm about 10lbs more than I was this time last year and I'm carrying more muscle mass with better conditioning so that makes my fat ass and muffin top a wee bit easier to tolerate...for the time being anyway.

So in conclusion...
Weight, macros, scales...Let the number obsession begin! (as if it ever stops lol)