Playing catch up

Apparently, I am long overdue for a post....
I had no idea it's been this long since I last updated (nor did I really think anyone cared lol). However, I have received quite a few messages, texts or even running into people asking how things are going..which I have to admit, is kinda surprising but at the same time, the support in this sport is one of the most amazing and underrated aspects of it. 

In my last post I was 9 weeks out from Team U, several weeks ago I made the decision to put the breaks on this prep. This was NOT an easy decision and one that I REALLY struggled with making. I kept going back and forth in my mind..would I be feeling this way if I were ahead of schedule? Would things be different if I stepped up my game at 12 weeks out when I knew I was behind instead of "trusting the process" and feeling like I just wasted time?? **bangs head repeatedly** Since my first prep in 2008, I have NEVER not followed through..no matter what I always made it happen. Throughout my previous posts, I had expressed my concerns over my progress (or lack thereof), knowing my conditioning was behind where I needed to be. Now, sitting at what would be 3 weeks out I'm sorta having mixed emotions, kicking myself..thinking "UGH! I could have done it"..Having moments of being disappointed in myself for "giving up" or "quitting" blah, blah, fuckin blah and all that shit but the truth is, if I wanted to, REALLY wanted to, I would have, I'd do whatever I needed to, regardless if it was "smart" or not..Could I have killed myself to make it happen? Sure..did I want to? No. 

The reality is that sure prep is tough and there are days that suck but overall it should be fun, it should be a rewarding experience..otherwise, why do it? I was definitely stressing a TON..not just prep, but life. Working OT, car problems, vet visits with Bee Bee (and vet bills piling up! EEK!) and a likely move in the fall, kinda made prep feel like one more chore on my plate and I didn't want it to be like that, it shouldn't be like that. As I rolled along and knew that I was behind, I kinda began to kick into panic mode, felt like I was running like a chicken with my head cut off..Sure, 6 or 4 weeks out but to be feeling that way at 10-8 weeks? So I took a step back and weighed my options..what's it all worth?..A few days off from diet and training to just mentally get myself right and once I decided to put prep on the shelf for now, my stress levels immediately dropped. I began sleeping better, my mood was better, I was enjoying the gym and even cardio again..It wasn't something I HAD to do, it was something I WANT to do..that's is how it's supposed to be. It was clear I just needed to listen to my body and my heart. I don't half ass ANYTHING...When I'm in, I'm ALL IN or not at all. 

So, after a brief pity party I kept trucking on. As far as where things are now and where I go from here...I'm just doing what I do. I'm hitting the gym, enjoying training and getting my cardio sessions in...feeling better, not quite so out of shape anymore..well, expect when I use the stepmill, talk about humbling lol I'm also still dieting..I didn't just throw my hands up and eat ice cream...ok, maybe a lil bit SHHHH!!!! While, I am not "prepping" necessarily, just getting in shape, cutting down to see all that I built over the winter and while I have a ways to go still, I'm feeling really good with where my physique is right now and the shape it's taking. The truth is, on the East Coast, there are shows EVERY weekend, so depending how my body wants to play along (and life of course) who knows what's in store for the fall..

The bottom line is, stage or no stage, this is my lifestyle, it's what I do and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to check in with me, offer support etc..I've got a really fantastic group of people in my life. 
And that about wraps up things in a nutshell...

Last Weekend@Diamond Gym
147-148lbs (ish)

9 Weeks Out

I'm not quite sure where the fuck time is going, but somehow I feel like I just started prepping and now it's May and I'm 9 weeks out?!?!

This last week has been a really positive one overall. My check in went well, there was a drop yet again on the scale..not as significant as the last couple but still a drop of more than a pound. I should be out of the 150's by my next update *crossing fingers and toes*

Aside from the scale, the physical changes are apparent in my progress pictures..not to mention, the way my clothes are fitting...or not fitting should I say lol Also, I can FEEL changes in my body which is pretty fuckin awesome..ya know, when you're shaving your legs and feel your hammies...yeah, I love that shit :) 

Yes, I'm happy to be making consistent progress however, we need to step it up in order for me to bring the level of conditioning I'd like to. Joe, acknowledged another solid week of progress but with that said, he did implement some changes going forward. YES!!!!!!!!!! We're dropping my fats a bit and bumping up my cardio...not adding any more sessions, but increasing the intensity/duration of my current sessions. *happy dance* I know, who the fuck WANTS less food and more cardio...Me that's who! I'm still having concerns on being ready in 9wks, so I'm begging for changes...and I'm not even remotely joking. 

In other prep-like news....

**The suit is officially in the works! I sent my measurements and some pictures to Jodie over the weekend so the ball is rolling there. We already decided on fabric/color a while back when I put my deposit down so at this point Imma let her creativity work it's magic. I'm starting to see things coming together and this is that point where I get girly..

**Not only do I have my music selected and edited, but I have a routine! GASP! I'm getting help from my friend Anthony (who is bodybuilder) who knows me, knows my style and helped me create something that was WAY better than I could have thought I'd be capable of. Now, I just have to practice my ass off to make it fluid and natural. 

**I'm pretty sure running is not for me. I have no clue how people do it?? I prefer to sprint out doors for my HIIT but holy fuck does my body take a beating. I love the intensity of it, how it kicks my ass but my knees, shins and feet are saying "Umm..fuck no, bitch" 

**I'm at that point where I'm starting to feel like I don't have enough hours in the day, which is bullshit considering I have 24 and I'm lucky if I sleep for 5-6 of them. I need to get better with my organization and time management, it keeps me sane. 

**Prep clumsy is in full effect. Without fail, numerous times per day I will spill/drop something and trip and/or bump into anything and everything. I've got scratches and bruised that I have no clue where they came from. 

**Aside from routine practice, I NEED to put in consistent time into posing practice. This comes back to the whole time management issue. I need to schedule that shit in just like my training or cardio sessions. My body is sore from my routine work, so I am CLEARLY out of shape but to spin it into a positive, hopefully all the fuckin sweating I'm doing will melt the fat off my ass. 

Let the cray-cray continue..............

9 Weeks Out:
Stats:

 5'4"

152.2lbs
Training:

Mountain Dog

Diet:

35g Fat/200G Carbs/165g Protein (4 days)
40g Fat/145G Carbs/165g Protein (3 days)

1-1.5gal water
Cardio:

3 40min Steady State/2 HIIT sessions
Supplementation:

Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, Liver Cleanse, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and ThermoGold

Glucosamine and probiotics

10 Weeks Out

I throat punched the panic button this weekend.....

My check in this weekend was a clusterfuck of crazy.
I went from YAY to FML in a hot second.

YAY: The scale dropped again this week, another significant drop...over 2 pounds! I knew I was down just by looking at myself, but that's a nice size drop in a week. Still not out of the 150's but that's a-comin'. Aside from that awesome surprise of a drop, the progress that I've made this week alone was evident in my pictures. My waistline has continued to come down, my ass is getting tighter and fuck, I even wore shorts to the gym. Talk about a victory. 

FML: No doubt, I'm making progress..However, I am still behind conditioning wise where I need to be at this point in my prep. At any given number of weeks, there is a mile marker if you will as to where your conditioning 'should' be to peak where you want to. Due to the fact that I am an emotional cutter and I love facts/figures, I pulled my check in from last season to get an idea of what I was doing (macros/cardio) and how I looked (conditioning)..With that said, I was eating much less, doing more cardio and yes, I was leaner/tighter than I am right now. **insert panic button throat punch here** At this point, my head did an exorcist type spin and thoughts of not being ready/being fat on stage had me freaking the fuck out. 

After I regained my sanity and logic (or whats left of it lol), I exhaled and grabbed a wee bit of perspective....
Yes, I am slightly behind where I need to be BUT, I am dropping with consistency a good amount of fat each week..2+lbs is nothing to just brush off. I am a good 15lbs up from where I was this time last season, no fuckin doubt I put in work during the off season and I am going to bring a much bigger/fuller/rounder physique...Now, I just gotta get my ass in shape so you can see it. And let's be real, I ain't afraid to put in the work and do what needs to be done. I've got a shit ton of issues but lack of effort isn't one of them. 

After all the crazy was subdued, the boss is keeping things rolling. No changes to the program (even though I begged for them LOL!). Why make changes for the sake of changes?!? Ummm..because Imma fuckin lunatic :o) 

OH! And last but not least, in addition to getting the fat off of my ass, I officially have my routine music edited and ready to go. Now, it's time to get to work on putting something together...no winging shit this season, Imma be ready!

10 Weeks Out:
Stats:

 5'4"

153.4lbs
Training:

Power/Mountain Dog

Diet:

45g Fat/200G Carbs/165g Protein (4 days)
45g Fat/145G Carbs/165g Protein (3 days)

1-1.5gal water
Cardio:

3 30min Steady State/2 HIIT sessions
Supplementation:

Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, Liver Cleanse, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and ThermoGold

Glucosamine and probiotics

Oh shit, Son!

11 Weeks Out

Mentally, I was a little up and down over the last week..
This weekend I had a pretty damn good check in, which was just what I needed.

I was actually pleasantly surprised, I knew my physique had made progress over the last week but to see nearly a 2 pound drop on the scale was fuckin fantastic! I know it's not realistic to expect continued drops like that, but I do need to keep up the consistency. The scale obviously doesn't tell the entire story, so more importantly...my pictures SHOWED significant changes than the last round. The most noticeable shift is in my waistline, the taper is making a comeback lol I'm also seeing ham/quad separation on my side shots. Sending Joe a positive email is awesome..a week with no bitching, whining or stressing out. GO ME! As I said, I was mentally up and down so getting the thumbs up from the boss that we're on track and to just keep rolling was a nice morale booster. I'm still having those feelings like I'm not as far along as I should be or as I'd like to be etc...blah fuckin blah, I know.

I can say one of the biggest changes has been the feeling of "dieting". Yes, I'm hitting that point where I am hungry. My belly is growling and I'm not "satisfied". The higher carb days are definitely not nearly as bad as the lower days, who knew I'd miss rice so much??!! One of the trends I guess you could call it with contest prep, is people who act like it's supposed to be so easy and you shouldn't be hungry..that annoys me. Guess what? If it was that simple, we'd all be stage ready 24/7/365, but it's not so please STFU with that shit.

Random tidbits:

*Easter Weekend was a fun one, no there was no temptation to stray from my plan..I ate my meals and enjoyed the company of others, it's really not as difficult as some make it seem. Sure, I would have fucked up some candy under normal circumstances but let's be real, if my biggest issue is passing over some Reeses' eggs than I'm pretty fuckin lucky.
*YAY for my fat gurl jeans being loose!!! It's the only time not filling out the ass in my jeans is a good thing..On the downside, I still don't fit in much of my clothing. I had a mini-meltdown..I tried on countless things this weekend and I'm pretty sure that even as I drop more fat, with the added lean mass I'm carrying, even my summer clothes from last season aren't going to fit. Halter tops, shorts, skirts...all WAY too tight or too short. And that ladies and gentlemen is why I live in my gym clothes.
*Uncooked rice isn't too bad. I tossed some into a salad and it added a lovely crunch/texture. I'm pretty sure I took lazy to a whole new level. But, I have no shame.
*I've played with BB posing for YEARS in the gym, trying to do it for progress pictures is tough. Apparently, I need more time (and practice) than my self timer allows. Or a personal photographer so I can deflect blame when I look like shit. 
*Drinking water isn't a struggle like it had been, although not peeing my pants is a challenge. I now have even more sympathy for Bee Bee <3

  11 Weeks Out:
Stats:

 5'4"

155.6lbs
Training:

Power/Mountain Dog

Diet:

45g Fat/200G Carbs/165g Protein (4 days)
45g Fat/145G Carbs/165g Protein (3 days)

1-1.5gal water
Cardio:

3 30min Steady State/2 HIIT sessions
Supplementation:

Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, Liver Cleanse, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and ThermoGold

Glucosamine and probiotics

12 Weeks Out

**my brain is scattered so I apologize in advance for the random babbling that may come ahead**

The last week has been a pretty good one overall, things are beginning to move at a consistent pace. I had my check in this weekend with Joe in person which is ideal IMO. I can see the changes in my physique taking place but I am not photogenic and progress pics tend to be less than stellar. After weeks of frustrating check in's with the scale, there was another solid drop this week. Ok, it was pretty much the same, then I went pee a couple of times (literally, like 4 times lol) and I saw a low of 157.2lbs..I haven't seen that number in a looooooooooong time, I talking since last September..maybe.


Stripping down and letting Joe look me over and tweak my posing was good for my spirit (as it usually is). There's no denying the progress I've made over the last few weeks specifically, but it's time to step it up, hit it a bit harder and get things really moving. One of the things we discussed was the possibility of doing a local show prior to Team U...My thought process is (if allowed) to cross over and do both FBB and WP. I figure if they're offering it, I want to do both. Obviously, this is all dependent on my body and WTF it decides to do, but that's how things are bouncing in around my head at the moment.
Now, just because things are progressing doesn't mean we're just rolling along. the boss did make some slight changes to my program for the following week. With the addition of a third lower carb day and a step up with sprints, we're pushing a bit harder going forward.

In all things diet/training related:

I'm still training my balls off, while I may not be shooting for single or double PR's, I am hitting rep PR's. I'm keeping the intensity up and even though I do miss the singles, this is a pretty challenging change of pace.
Unfortunately, just when I'm feeling fit, cardio reminds me that I am still out of shape :( With the weather finally getting nice, I got the bright idea to take my sprints outdoors..Umm, yeah, seemed like a good idea at the time. My hammies, abs, lungs and throat were on fire and I'm still feeling it. I've done intervals on the stepmill or spin bike but I haven't taken it outside in a few years, I was not prepared (and neither were my poor knees) for the impact sprinting puts on my body.


I get a lot of questions about my diet and right now, it's basically 2 different menus (higher carb and lower carb days). I eat the SAME thing every day, just varying amounts depending on my macros. I know there are MANY schools of thought on variety and all that shit but I'm lazy as fuck. I'd rather keep it simple and do the least amount of thinking possible. With that said, NO I do not eat anything I do not like. I enjoy ALL of my meals. Feedings are like clockwork at this point, I don't need an alarm clock..my belly knows when it's time for breakfast lol. My hunger has increased a bit on the lower carb days, I'm not starving but my tummy lets me know it's not satisfied.

**Warning..emotional wrap up ahead**

I guess the moment I begin to get emotional is the sign of prep when shit starts getting real. Yes, I still have 12wks to go, so this is mild lol
Sometimes, I have to stop and think..I'm VERY fortunate to share my life with the most amazing people. Those who push me, who believe in me more than I could even begin to believe in myself. Those who squash any doubts I have and help me keep my mind right. Thank you for listening to my ummm..hysteria lol and helping to give me another perspective that isn't always clear through my eyes.
Whew. Now with that shit out of the way....
Here we go!

  12 Weeks Out:
Stats:

 5'4"

157.2lbs
Training:

Power/Mountain Dog

Diet:

45g Fat/200G Carbs/165g Protein (4 days)
45g Fat/145G Carbs/165g Protein (3 days)

1-1.5gal water
Cardio:

3 30min Steady State/2 HIIT sessions
Supplementation:

Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, Liver Cleanse, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and ThermoGold

Glucosamine and probiotics

13 Weeks Out

Houston, we FINALLY have fuckin progress!

This weekends 13wk out check in was exactly what my spirit needed.
I saw progress in my pictures AND on the scale, the perfect storm. After my weight being stalled around 161-162lbs I dropped below 160 for the first time since.........eerrr, ummm.....October/November maybe??! Ok, it's only down to 159.4lbs but Imma take that shit and run, but not literally cause I can't run lol


My Saturday check in procedure typically goes...Scale, then pictures but I flipped the order this weekend. I could SEE the changes in my physique throughout the week so I knew there would be proof in the pictures and really that's where it counts. With that said, I was already in the RIGHT mindset prior to stepping on the scale, but finally seeing the 150-anything made me so fuckin happy. **Yes. I am well aware that the number itself doesn't mean anything but the scale is a TOOL and the reality is, if you're dieting and eating in a deficit, the number should be dropping pretty consistently. so please, save your breath with the "who cares about the scale" lip service. Thankyousoveryfuckinmuch**


Even though I've been in the game a while and sure they're are "markers" if you will as far as prep is concerned, the truth is that my body has responded differently with EVERY SINGLE PREP. No two have been the same so at times while I can look back to see what I was doing and how my body was responding at X-wks out last season, there really aren't any guarantees to do "this" and expect "that". This year, the 160's have been my sticking point..my body had fought like hell to hold onto that weight/size but having finally broke that plateau, I feel like I'm over the hump and things with be changing and progressing with more consistency.

Random prep tidbits

*Nailing my diet with ease! It's basically auto pilot at this point. Am I hungry?? Umm..yes! First of all, I'm ALWAYS hungry so that's a given but no my diet is that "hard" by any means. I'm not going to gnaw my own limbs...yet
*Cardio is easy...wait? wut?? I can tell I'm getting my "fitness" back lol I'm not as winded and my sessions aren't as labored which is an awesome feeling. As much as I loathe cardio, I do like feeling fit.
*I have been making slight tweaks with my training, while I'll always be power focused (Imma PR junky) I've started running a program with more volume, higher reps...taking my main lifts (squats, bench, deads) to failure which is unlike I've done in the past. It definitely kicks my ass in a totally different way, but I have to admit, I am digging it.
*I'm 100% decided on my music and once it gets edited (ahem, Jimmy) then I'll start working on that whole routine thingy. Who wants to volunteer to put it together and teach me??! Anyone?! Hello!?

13 Weeks Out:
Stats:

 5'4"

159.4lbs {happy dance}
Training:

Power/Mountain Dog

Diet:

45g Fat/200G Carbs/165g Protein
45g Fat/145G Carbs/165g Protein

1-1.5gal water

Cardio:

3 30min Steady State/2 HIIT sessions
Supplementation:

Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, Liver Cleanse, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and ThermoGold

Glucosamine and probiotics

14 Weeks Out

First things first...Thank you for all the messages etc..asking about my little girl. Beatrix is doing much better, still not 100% but definite improvement. Big wet, cold nosed thank you kisses from her <3

Now, onto business..........

I'm not quite sure where time is going but this prep is flying by and this weekend was one of THOSE weekends. Yeah, the crazy is in full mutherfuckin force. To say I'm a bit frustrated is a wee bit of an understatement..I checked in with pics and stats this weekend and that fuckin scale is NOT moving, it's damn near stuck. I never would have thought getting under 160lbs would be such a battle for my body. I also did a round of pictures for Joe, even though I think I look like shit I can SEE that there is progress from my last set of pics. Taking progress shots is only fun when you're in good shape, when you're still carrying significant fluff, it blows but the one positive thing is pics don't lie, so even when you're doubting progress, the proof is in the pudding if you will..Pudding! Yummy!


Anywho, since I was really upset at my lack of progress this week, I pulled my pictures from 14wks out during my prep LAST year and the progress that I've made was clear as can be. I'm not really sure what I was expecting when I took a look at the side by side, but I was surprised. I'm 10lbs heavier and it's not ALL fat lol so that's gotta count for something, right?!!? Maybe I will be able to bring a larger/fuller, more complete physique this season?? I've definitely increase size overall, width and thickness..brought up my legs, which have been a weakness so seeing my progress made me take a step back and relax a little. (yes, just a little)


This weekend, aside from the scale and picture catastrophe I also had to break out the tape measure to take my measurements for my suit! EEEK!!!! I finally put my deposit down, picked my color/fabric and things are underway! I have no doubt, Jodie Bruce is going to create something absolutely breathtaking. I don't get girlie about many things, but I am already excited to see what she puts together. I get giddy thinking about it.


Along with my physical struggles dropping fat, mentally Imma basket case :(
I'm starting to hit the panic button to be honest. 14wks is sort of that time frame where you have an idea of what your body comp should be, what areas hold extra fat vs what areas should be tightening up etc..I do feel like I'm behind as far as my conditioning goes. I am pleased with the size/shape that I have, but when it comes to being able to dial in the total package, I think I should be further along with only 14wks to go so I'm having a lot of apprehension that my body is just not going respond as I would like. UGH *bangs head*


As fuckin crazy as I am, I was happy that the boss made some changes to my program going forward. I'm confident I should see some progress this week. He dropped some of my carbs and added in an additional day of cardio, I cannot believe I'm happy about that but that's how bad I want to be lean...


So with all that rambled, here we go....

14 Weeks Out:

Stats:

 5'4" (ok, slightly under)

161.8LBS (STILL!!!!)

Training:

Power/Mountain Dog

Diet:

45g Fat/200G Carbs/165g Protein
45g Fat/145G Carbs/165g Protein

1-1.5gal water

Cardio:

3 30min Steady State/2 HIIT sessions

Supplementation:

Champion Nutrition's Multi-V, Omega 3 Fish Oil, Performance BCAA's, Liver Cleanse, Power Creatine, Power Glutamine, Pure Whey and ThermoGold

Glucosamine and probiotics

{sigh} Just because................